


thieves are in the shadow's, all's right in the world

by sapoeysap



Series: thieves, counts and bloggers [1]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Thieves, Brent bennett - Freeform, M/M, Mild Language, No violence or gore this is a polite intellectual thief au, Thief AU, Thief!Shane, a fic that no one asked for but i needed to write, and there married because my polyam ass loves some polyam, i give the worth it boys a mention, mention of other buzzfeed employees - Freeform, mild violence actually, no actual buzzfeed though, this might be taggable as featuring ricky goldsworth now, unsolved exists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-07-20 17:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16142129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapoeysap/pseuds/sapoeysap
Summary: shane madej is the world's greatest thief, ryan bergara just hosts a you tube show that analyses said thefts.it should have been the most straightfoward crime.





	1. Castle of Ilnyckyj

**Author's Note:**

> who wanted a lupin iii/unsolved au. just me apparently.  
> rpf is just for fun i don't ship them in real life (or anyone else mentioned)  
> (nor do i encourage crime this is all made up) 
> 
> this is heavily based off the lupin iii universe but you don't need knowledge of that to understand.

Thieving is fun, a little laugh, a big reward. Satisfactory enough. But not quite hitting the spot for the number one ranked thief in the world, always something missing, it’s a lonely life, after all, one of a swindler.  
  
The thing with being a thief of Shane Madej’s calibre is that there is always going to be competition trying to usurp you. The fact that they can never quite meet the standards that he sets doesn’t matter, because most other thieves barely register as a blip on his radar. He’s left his calling card of thieving intent at the mansion of a one Count Ilnyckyj.  
  
Count Ilnyckyj, and your dearest husbands,  
  
I am going to steal your Van Gough on the night of the 27th  
  
Shane M.  
  
And as usual, it hits the social media waves fast. And so does the information about the reinforcements that the Ilnyckyj mansion is pulling up to protect their property. Shane glances over the streams of information, tucked up in a little room he’s rented out as a base, above a café not too far from the mansion. The microwave dings signifying his popcorn is done, at the same time his favourite notification sound pops up. Because for as long as Shane Madej has been stealing, one Ryan Bergara has been investigating. Bergara has a YouTube series, it started out investigating ghosts and demons until his partner left. Now it just focuses on Madej’s heists.  
  
Shane may be slightly obsessed with the series, even if he scoffs at the name of Unsolved. Because actually the theories Ryan presents always describe exactly how he pulled off each theft correctly each time, but the audience writes the correct theories off as the most implausible every time. Shane sits and comments on it, under an alias of course, he’s even been favourited and retweeted by Bergara a couple times. Today’s upload is even more hastily thrown together than normal, Shane can tell in the editing just how fast Ryan must have had to have made it and upload it. It gives him a tingle to know that he is keeping this Ryan on his toes. Shane is also obsessed with the series, because this one Ryan Bergara is handsome, in tight t-shirts, biceps threatening the seams with a sense of humour that gets under Shane’s skin.  
  
Today’s unsolved is just an update outlying the note Shane left at the Ilnyckyj mansion, some characteristics of the inhabitants and their relationship with each other, and the history and importance of the painting the mysterious thief Shane Madej seems so intent on stealing. Before he gets into the theories, Bergara purports that Shane will also try and steal some of the vintage wines that are kept in the cellar of the mansion. Based on the fact that Shane has stolen vintage wines before and seems to have developed a taste for them.

The first theory Bergara suggests is absolute horseshit, that Shane will dig up into the cellar using some of the mansions previous tunnels, long ago concreted over and impossible to access. Shane has to laugh though, because, for one brief second, he had considered the idea, but had forgone it for what was his forte really. Relying on his classic tactic, of smuggling himself into the building in a disguise. The laugh that he emits as the Ryan in the video states this exact plot, laughter rumbling through him even more as he scrolls down to the comments, seeing everyone writing this theory off as dumb and implausible. It sticks in Shane’s mind all night, the way stupid Ryan Bergara and his stupid arms and stupid smile, had it so right.  
  
He’s almost forgotten about the accuracy of it on the night he commits the crime. It’s hilarious how easily he stands at over 6ft, can charm and convince others he’s someone he’s not. It’s a shame he’s not magic and just actually that suave, not that his charm has ever been a problem before. The guard’s upstairs are easy to bypass, stupidly Ilnyckyj and his husbands haven’t thought to guard the wine cellar, so while Shane is tall and gangly, he sticks to the shadows of the walls, and makes it downstairs into the cellar, unassuming enough.  
  
Tonight feels different though, it is not as if it’s too easy, just something is off kilter.  
  
He’s in the wine cellar when he finds out what’s different.  
  
The man in front of him stealing the wine Shane was about to steal, isn’t short by any normal means, but in Shane’s world, this man is tiny, tiny yet familiar. The man’s face is obscured in the darkness of the wine cellar, framed weirdly by the cast of the torchlight that he appears to be holding with his mouth. This is where it slots in for Shane that he is both fucked but has found the missing piece to his puzzle of loneliness. He recognises those arms, from countless frames of YouTube videos. It’s in this dusty wine cellar that all of Shane’s goals and plans change. He has a new objective.  
  
Steal Ryan Bergera.


	2. Unsolved: The case of Ryan's heart

“Look at what we have here. Hello Ryan Bergera, I’ve been just dying to meet you”

 

Shane has to give Ryan credit for not flinching at his presence. Really Shane has to give Ryan credit for running a renowned crime investigation series whilst apparently being a criminal himself. And really, really Shane has to give Ryan credit for being the hottest thing he’s ever seen, pixels on the web don’t really do justice to just how hot Ryan is in the flesh.

 

‘Hey big guy, glad to know I was right about the wine cellar’

 

‘Oh nicknames already’

 

Shane’s crossing the room as the words leave his mouth, backing Ryan up against the rows of wine. The other man has to tilt his head up at an awkward angle and deal with the tips of wine bottles digging into his back. Their breath mingles together in their closeness, leaving a spearmint freshness in its wake, thief decorum is clearly always practice good dental hygiene. Shane pushes the next words out of his mouth, accompanying them with a sharp poke on Ryan’s chest.

 

‘That’s my wine’

 

Ryan smiles, eyes slightly crinkling at the corners. The tension between the two of them is heavy in the dusty cellar, heavy breaths and sweet shark smiles at each other. The moment seems to last forever, before Shane walks away, waving the coveted wine tauntingly in one hand, and the other arm raised in a mocking salute.

 

‘See you around Bergara’ He’s disappeared into the shadows with stupid ease. Off to upstairs, to skirt around and nab his intended target of the Van Gough.

 

(Ryan leaves with a lesser vintage bottle and after adjusting himself in his pants, he notices a smudge of ink on his arm and as he pulls his sleeve up further, a message is revealed.)

 

My next theft will be the biggest of them all.

 

I’m going to steal Ryan Bergara’s heart

 

Shane M

 

 

 Shane wants to hate the fact that he is hard as a rock the rest of the night, was the moment he pushed the other man up against the wine, probably even the moment he realised who was occupying the cellar with him.

 

The Ilnyckyj mansion is well decorated, Andrew Illnyckyj may be the Count, but both his husbands’ decorative style and personalities are noted across the board. Shane almost feels bad for how strong of a pull he feels to duck into a bathroom and sort himself out, but he’s spent too much time in the cellar, wasted precious moments and the time gap for his getaway is shrinking already.

 

The Van Gough is a sunflower piece, one that had been lost to history until a chance discovery. It had been a tense bidding process, in which the piece had been won by Count Illnyckyj and his husband Adam, as a gift for their other husband, Steven, who according to all who met him, was like a sunflower. It had been reported greatly in the news, marking an introduction to a curious Count with two husbands’, and a useful way for them to market their chain of restaurants. The media coverage of the bidding was so great Shane almost felt guilty for stealing the painting, Steven’s smile on the newsreels flashes in his memory, quickly replaced by the thought of Ryan backed against the wine racks. The most laughable thing about the whole heist is that even though Shane left a calling card, marked out the date and time, there barely any guards, and there concentrated in random areas of the mansion, poorly grouped together and easy to bypass. It takes mere minutes before he and the painting are back outside in the cool night air.

 

The paintings beautiful, even more so in person. Shane hates himself for the next thought and realisation, that he’s making no money from the black market on this Van Gough because his mind’s made up on just where the painting needs to go.

 

If Steven is sunshine to Andrew and Adam, Shane decides that Ryan is going to be his slightly more cryptid sunshine. Shane checks the card he had snagged from Ryan’s wallet when he had been pressed against him and does a quick search on his phone and finds where the You Tuber-cum-thief lives. The power of the internet frankly, a 21st-century thief’s best friend.

 

It’s not far from the mansion and that’s California for you, Ryan hasn’t made it home yet, judging by the lack of car in the driveway. It makes it easier for Shane to plant the painting on the doorstep, just to aid the little note he had marked Ryan up with while pushed against him. The thing is, he should really leave and walk away, lessen the chance of being caught, its close enough to the mansion that staying in one place is never wise. But sometimes it pays off to disappear in front of the cops noses. So he finds a nice little viewpoint parked a-ways across the road and situates himself in it. Ryan isn’t that long to turn up, and Shane rolls his window down just in time to hear Ryan say ‘fine, keep the wine to yourself’ before picking up the painting, unlocking the door, and disappearing behind it. Shane’s probably the biggest dumbass in the world for not realising Ryan watches him drive away.

Unsolved: The Case of the Van Gough, is uploaded late the next day. It all makes sense now, how Ryan seems to guess everything Shane is going to do with scary accuracy because he’s obviously a thief himself. Tapped into the logic, apparently well enough that Shane thinks maybe just maybe, Ryan Bergara can out-thieve him. There’s a chill that rolls down his back. That sunflower painting is not going to be the last thing he steals to give to Ryan Bergara and he knows it, knows just how fucked he is. Especially when Ryan glances at the camera, with a new kind of smile when he says Shane’s name, in an outfit that's framed to show the clear smudge of freshly scrubbed off ink. Shane’s already planning his next heist, getting ready to call in old favours. He just knows Sara’s gonna be pissed off at him for roping her into what might possibly be his downfall. Hitting the call button on his phone and slipping into his sweet talk voice.

‘Sara darling, doll, angel, have a favour to ask’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (im not gonna do ryan's pov much i don't think)


	3. Shane's Day Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (i added some stuff to the first two chapters because i worked out characterisation)

Sara and Shane were once entangled into each other, never as lovers, but as partners in literal crime. Sara Rubin is probably one of the greatest hackers in the world, small and unassuming, more bookish looking than anything else. She would leave little doodles, all over anything she touched, doodles that borderline on slightly creepy but mysterious. These doodles left as imprints of her hacking skills where what drew Shane to her. Their days as partners are over. The life actually did bore Sara and freelance hacking for political gains gets as much money as just hacking for theft. Shane ropes her in every now and again, her giggle that comes in response to his greeting is almost an automatic ‘ill follow you to the ends of the earth’. She turns up a day later, with matching reusable coffee cups and makings of hot dogs ready for the long haul of Shane Madej’s bullshit. Sara’s kind of a superstar Shane’s ever grateful to have in his life.  
  
The day kind of turns into goofing off, the café his current hideout is above, sells the best food, even if he must wear a disguise to go get food. That’s the problem really with being such a world- famous criminal, his face is too well known, no thanks to Unsolved and the rest of the news that floats around about him. Sara ribs him for a while about the brazenness of his previous plot, but it’s the simplest plans that always work the best. She adds a little doodle to his calling card, it’s his face, melting with Edvard Munch vibes. Shane mails this card out instead of putting it at the scene himself. Sue him for wanting a day off to hang with his old friend and just walking to a post box instead of actually driving out and having to go through the gambit of masking himself. The plan for his next heist isn’t anything exciting, but it does involve jewels and Sara’s presence.  
  
Shane M. is what some would say a classically trained thief, in other words, a little old school. Pickpocket as a kid, adults and the like trusting this slightly gangly dorky looking child. Then as a teenager Shane grew into it,  learnt to use the way he looked to his advantage, he could charm albeit in an weirdly offbeat manner. But it got him where he needed to go. His first few heists were a bust, too many close calls with the cops. But once he got into the grove, established himself a little bit more, with Sara’s help. Shane M. was born. His name is out in the open if you know where to look. He’s convinced Ryan knows it but just sticks to Shane M. Like the calling cards, he’d gone by a pseudonym at the start, and it had power and made Sara twirl her hair and giggle with how it sounded. But it was more fun to go by his real name, one less mask to wear in a world were masks were almost always required. The calling cards came later, a newer idea once he knew he was good enough to cut it. Announce the crime before you do it. The night he had settled upon the idea, Sara told him he was just cocky enough to pull it off and Shane had laughed, goof acted like a mob boss all night, practised dumb calling cards, signing them C.C Tinsley and so on. The had thrown darts at the card to pick which heist they should go on, and it worked out well because on the way back from the first heist, they had turned into the side street where the run down crap hole of a base was located and had been approached by a street cat that stuck to them for a while.  
  
Shane brings it up now, ‘Remember Obi’, Sara’s bringing up old albums on Shane’s laptop, and they reminisce over their ‘college’ thieving days while LCD Soundsystem plays in the background. They fall asleep on the pull-out couch together, whiskey glasses abandoned on the floor and Shane’s flannel pulled over both of them.  
  
It sets up the vibe for a good heist, Sara’s going to stay at home base, radioed in via earpiece to Shane so she can hack into the museum's security systems while he does the hard graft. It should, essentially a classic in and out heist, last less than 5 minutes kind of job. He has a gap of a minute when no guards will be in the area of the museum, but when he gets there he finds the jewels already gone, all that is in their place is Shane’s own calling card, with a stamp over the top, Ryan Bergara’s Unsolved logo. Shane snatches it up before any cameras can catch it, or guards can see.  
  
Sara’s in his ear, saying with the most put-upon sigh ‘don’t worry I’ll erase any footage of Ryan’, and the way she sings says Ryan makes Shane grumble. He hates how she can see right through him.   
  
It winds Shane up to walk away empty-handed, which is something that normally he will let go off, every once in a while something has to go wrong. But tonight, it really gets his goat, so he nabs a few things off one of the museum displays, precious rocks and so on, nothing like his main aim. It figures that if Sara takes care of the footage of Ryan, which she will. It means everyone will think he stole the jewellery anyways. So it’s no loss to the name of Shane M. but a big wound to his pride, hence the choice of petty theft in anger.  
  
Ryan Bergara with his stupid conspiracy theory videos and know it all attitude about Shane, clearly knows that his pride is wounded like this. And the thought is starting to consume Shane’s brain, which is probably why by the time he gets to the getaway car, it doesn’t shock him as much as rile him up to see Ryan resting against the car, cocky as hell smirk on face, wearing the stupid fucking jewellery, diamonds glistening in the hollow of his neck.  
  
‘Heard you were stealing my heart Madej’  
  
And Shane isn’t one for violence, but he pulls his gun anyways.


	4. The name of this whiskey is revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (mild violence and mentions of blood but nothing bad or actually damaging)

Ryan and Sara speak at the same time, Sara a soft laugh into ‘yeah Madej, go steal his heart’ followed by the distinct sound of the radio link disconnecting. Ryan a ‘Are you really gonna shoot me big guy?’  
  
‘Probably not. I thought about it for a second, a nice hot minute. Get in the car Boogara’  
  
Ryan looks like a mildly scared guinea pig and utters an indignant squeak not unlike that of a guinea pig, Shane’s signalling with the gun, while the other hand fiddles around in his pocket for the car keys to hit the button. Ryan’s sauntering round to the passenger side like a scolded schoolboy who still finds his own joke funny. There in the car before the question is asked.  
  
‘So you’re a fan of Unsolved?, or you come up with Boogara on your own and think you’re original’  
  
Shane’s laugh is acerbic, ‘Well, I have to pay attention to my biggest fan’, he’s tucked the gun away and is turning the key in the ignition. ‘Its considerate of you to make a whole series dedicated to me, though I have to say I miss the ones where you shit yourself at the notion of a ghost’  
  
Ryan actually wheezes at that, Shane had thought it was an act, but hearing it next to him in the car, is just delightful. And then he drops into the voice he uses for the videos, and if Shane wasn’t already gone on this man, then he is now, and he’s glad that Sara isn’t here to see his blush and that the car is dark enough that Ryan can’t see it either.  
  
‘Shane M. Purports himself to be a master criminal, but on the 30th of September he failed to pull off his final heist, failing to steal the famous ‘Queen’s necklace’. There is little evidence of what went wrong that fateful night, so let's get into the theories’  
  
‘Alright nice spiel, but I’m gonna have to stop you there boo-boy. This isn’t exactly my final heist’  
  
It happens in slow motion, he drives past a street lamp and in that second of sickly LED illumination, out of the corner of his eye he watches Ryan draw a knife the moment the light is gone he feels the press of the knife against his side.  
  
‘The first theory, is that Shane M, was stabbed to death by the man he had set out with intent to steal a few days before’  
  
Ryan nicks him with the knife, hard enough for it to pierce skin, hard enough for Shane to grip the steering wheel harder, feel a trickle of blood run down the inside of his shirt.  
  
‘Drive me home Madej’ and Ryan has the cheek to flick the radio on and tune it to the sports channel. For a moment Shane would rather die at Ryan’s hands than listen to the drone that constitutes basketball commentary.  
  
The drive is uneventful from there on out, aside from the knife dug into Shane’s side and the way Ryan shouts at the match on the radio. He’s pulling into the Bergara driveway just as the match concludes.  
  
‘Whiskey or wine Madej?’ Ryan politely asks, moving the knife away.  
  
Shane’s bark of laughter is honest, feels good to cut the weird tension as he opens the car door to the chill L.A evening and unfolds his legs, firing off a text to Sara that he won’t be home until later. She sends back a winky face suspiciously too fast.  
  
Ryan’s got him pushed against the front door, syrupy sweet smile. It’s a reverse of their position in the Ilnyckyji wine cellar. Except Shane has to tilt his head down to stare Ryan in the face. A Ryan whose grinding into Shane’s groin, just once and not in a testing way, it’s a grind loaded with intent.  
  
It’s probably, considering he’s a master of disguises, the worst impression Shane’s ever done, when he says to the smaller man. ‘Now on to the second theory. Shane M. was killed-‘  
  
He’s cut off halfway through the sentence by the push of Ryan’s mouth against his. It feels like heaven, the sweetest kiss. Especially he feels the door behind his back gives way, as Ryan unlocks it, and pushes him inside and up against the wall.  
  
Its fucking delicious, hot and horny, hands gripping necks and whatever there can be purchase on. Shane’s gasps when Ryan brushes against the knife cut and disengages from the kiss, left googly-eyed in the cramped hallway, watching Ryan give the most smouldering come-hither eyes and disappearing through a door to what Shane presumes must be the bedroom. He hangs in the corridor a moment, loosening his belt up, before pushing open the door to the room.  
  
It’s most definitely the bedroom, with Ryan lounging on the bed, shirt off and holy hell those arms. ‘I only have the lesser vintage because someb-‘ Shane cuts him off, in one fell sweep ripping off his flannel, buttons be dammed, and leaping into the bed on top of Ryan, pressing their lips together. The kiss tastes different, somehow sweeter but with a tinge of bitter.  
  
The kiss is the last thing Shane knows because all off a sudden he’s sucked into the black haze of nothingness.


	5. Don't move the Mona Lisa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mention of drugging / no harm comes to the person drugged.
> 
> also please imagine that this is in a universe where theft and so on is (occasionally) just, and it does not reflect the sometimes sad state of the world we live in really. fan fiction is only ever an escape and a fantasy.

To wake up from being drugged, is never exactly a pleasant experience, disorientating if you’re not used to it. Unfortunately for Shane, in his line of work, he’s become accustomed to it. At least he’s in a bed, Ryan clearly so kind enough to pull the blanket up and tuck him in, you know, after knocking him out. And at least the bed is seriously comfortable, enough for Shane to snuggle back down into. Which is when the note on the other pillow catches his eye. Well it’s less of a note and more of a taunt. The faint mark of a pale lipstick in a tantalising O shape. A part of Shane wishes the other man had written something more banal like a ‘this mystery will forever remain unsolved’. The lipstick hurts more, that he was baited in by such an old school technique like drugged lipstick.

And then there’s a shot of static in his ear, loud enough to be annoying, his damn fault for not taking out the ear piece.

‘Morning Sleepyhead’

‘Look. I know it was dumb. I get it. I’ll be back in 20’

Sara laughs at him for a good few minutes when he finally stumbles back into the apartment.

‘Your boo boy has uploaded a new video’ she says saccharine sweet.

‘He’s not my boo- nevermind. It’s time for a change of place. How do you feel about Paris’

 

As it turns out, Sara feels great about Paris. Shane buys her a new wardrobe with a little spare change he has, in return for her doing her magic and getting them free flights and out of the country unmonitored. Shane knows that Sara and him would never work out as lovers, but there’s something to be said about the way she looks. In her butterfly print 1950’s style dress that he picked out, her brown loafers, and purple curls underneath the Eiffel Tower. She’s beautiful. It’s not really a holiday since there here for purposes of theft, but part of him itches to take photos of her, he settles for a cheap disposable camera, snags it from a stall that was overcharging them anyways, into his jean pocket. It helps make them look like tourists as well, fit in more. No one blinks an eye at two American’s stumbling through the Parisian landscape. Some might squint that the taller one looks vaguely familiar, but no one investigates further.

Shane’s going all out on this one, all his other crimes, jewels, cars, wines, pale in comparison to his next plan. Which will be executed once he’s stopped grumbling about how much it costs to enter the Louvre –

’17 Euro’s Sara! Frankly I’m doing the people a service by stealing from them. At least it’s picturesque, I can appreciate some fine art’

It’s near impossible to get anywhere near the Mona Lisa, so Shane tack’s his card onto a nearby wall, well in view of one of the many guards.

_“great artists and thieves are similar,_

_they both know how to steal your soul”_

_tonight, at midnight, I will steal the mona lisa_

_Shane M._

Sara had so kindly doodled the body of Mona Lisa onto the note, with the face replaced by imitations of the butterflies on her dress. It was frankly one of her greatest doodles. Shane tells her just that as they re-integrate themselves with the crowd, and head towards the exit. Just in time to hear the shout of the guard.

As a 21st century thief, well a thief in any century, it is unwise to attract unjust attention towards yourself, but in the decade of social media, one must use a little more caution. It can be the downfall of a perfect heist to be caught unwittingly on one of the millions of photographs that are taken every second, especially in such a space like the Louvre. Shane’s already contending with his height, something Sara doesn’t have to worry about, and he’d rather not contend with seeing the next Unsolved video and his figure blurry in the background of some random persons photo uploaded to twitter and sniffed out by Ryan.

They split up at the exit of the Louvre, Shane plants a kiss on Sara’s cheek and loudly says ‘I’ll be back from the bathroom in a second babe’, really accentuating his accent. She giggles and curls her hair, before sitting down in one of the plush chairs opposite the bathrooms. She knows the plan, wait for about 10 minutes, until the rooms population has changed, then go out to the café opposite the museum, change into more casual attire, enjoy the swarm of France’s finest police all over the Louvre, sit back and do some polite hacking all while enjoying some coffee.

Shane goes to the bathroom, and changes into a different outfit, removes his world-famous flannel in favour of the janitors uniform he just stole from an open cupboard. Sneaking into the basement is easy now he has the correct passes, and this is where he waits it out.

Checking his phone, there’s a text from Sara

**11:43pm** live stream on all major networks and online

**11:44pm** its all outside shots of the museum nothing inside yet

It makes him chuckle, they think they’re going to catch him out, on a live stream.

It’s the drop-down notification at the top of his phone that grabs his eyes more, the one that reads ‘Ryan Bergara has gone live on Instagram’ He flicks on to it begrudgingly, and there Ryan is, in the bedroom Shane woke up in only two days ago. Ryan’s already mid-spiel. It’s hard to get what the man’s saying, having to watch the video with no sound to not alert anyone that could come down. But it from what Shane can tell from lipreading, it’s

‘How exactly is Shane M. Going to pull this heist off, I for one am glad that the cops are basically live streaming this one for us Shaniacs’

Shane turns the phone off immediately once he realises what Ryan has just called him, or his fans.

The plan is simple, wait it out in the basement until morning, because the museum will be closed that day, for annual refurbishment. In the few seconds of guard’s turnover that the morning will bring. Shane will take the Mona Lisa.

It’s the getting it out of the museum that’s slightly insane. He has about three seconds to strap it to his back and get to the right-wing window to jump out off onto a side street, where Sara should be waiting on a motorbike, they should drive off into the sunrise, ditch all the gear just outside Paris, after what will be a great laugh in evading the cops. Drive on down in a car waiting at a hideout to St Tropez, live it up on the Riviera for a night and then catch a private yacht that’s owed to Shane on an old favour.

The first part of the plan goes swimmingly, guards and cops evaded at the changeover, bonus is no one notices the missing painting for a solid few minutes. He’s just strolling through the museum with the frigging Mona Lisa strapped to his back.

It’s when he jumps out of the window and onto the motorbike that it all goes wrong.

Honestly, he should have predicted this, but the Instagram live had thrown him off.

“great artists and thieves are similar… you outdid yourself with that bullshit. Hi big guy”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can u tell im gay for sara rubin?
> 
> \- i have been to the louvre but like 10 years ago so anything written is probably inaccurate-


	6. A Thief and his Motorbike

A week and different country later, Shane’s still jerking off to the image of Ryan in what can only be described as an Indiana Jones influenced outfit, riding the motorbike through Parisian side streets. He chases the tingles that hit when he thinks about the way his arms wrapped around the shorter man’s stocky body, the feeling of muscle under the cloth. And every time he thinks about it, the memory of the rest of the morning hits.

 

Ryan had followed the plan and driven out of the city, but instead of heading towards the south of the country, he had headed out west. It’s hard to talk on a motorbike, especially since only Ryan’s in a helmet. So, Shane can’t complain as to the incorrect destination, especially when they pull up to an amazing Villa, overlooking a vineyard. They had ended up in the middle of nowhere, and as the grumble of bike turns off, Sara opened the door looking pleased as punch to see the both of them.

 

Shane will still blame what happened next as a rush of endorphins from you know, stealing the Mona Lisa. The way it had felt to unattached himself from Ryan's back, clambering his long limbs off the bike and letting out an unhinged laugh. Ryan had looked at him with something like love in his eyes, that love might actually be fire, but it didn't matter because Shane was spinning Sara around on the doorstep, painting still strapped to his back.

 

The three of them had ended up in a sitting room that overlooked the vineyards, it might be 8 am and none of them had slept in two days. But they sat anyways and cracked open a bottle of wine which quickly turned into opening up three or four bottles. And they had just talked shit, looking at the Mona Lisa propped up poorly on the wall. It’s was a perfect moment for Shane to maybe ask some questions, dig into Ryan’s past. Except he didn't, probably for the better he thinks now in the present, it was more worth it just to have this moment, the three of them chatting about nothing. Perhaps part of him didn't want to say anything in front of Sara, but it's not like they really had ever kept secrets from each other. It’s more fun to piss Ryan off, tease him with anecdotes about how they should go into the basement and ghost hunt. Sara had disappeared to go get food from the kitchen, coming back to Ryan spread out topless on a chaise lounge, brazenly moaning, as Shane digs his fingers into his back, giving a slow back massage. She had said ‘Well excuse me fellas’ which broke the moment but Shane distinctly recalls Ryan never replacing his shirt, nor does he ever recall Sara complaining about it.

 

Turns out, the Mona Lisa looks even better under the haze of wine and French sunsets.

Sara had headed to bed first. The boys not too far behind, Shane pulling Ryan along by the hand, intent look in his eye. In the hallway where the bedrooms lie, Ryan broke their hands apart.

 

Shane looks down at the mess he's made on the bedspread, he’s breathing hard in the present, chest flushed and hand warm.

The conversation they had had in that beautiful French villa seemed so far away yet so tangible. It’s odd how desolate he feels, so soon after an orgasm, but Ryan’s words are replaying in his head.

 

‘This doesn’t mean anything. You know that.’

 

The way he had cupped the shorter man’s face in his hands, and spoke so confidently, ‘Oh Ryan. How you wound me’

 

Ryan goes to stutter something. But never manages, what could have been said lost to the past. Shane's own words ring out in his head.

 

‘If this means nothing then why go to all these lengths. Just for little old me? This means everything Ryan Bergara. And one day I will solve the mystery that is you’

 

Ryan had been long gone in the morning, no traces of the motorbike, in its place a flashy sports car. Shane was only grateful that he wasn’t drugged this time. And over black coffee on the balcony, Sara asked him the question, in a hushed voice heavy with curiosity. ‘Would you really go to the ends of the earth for him’

 

‘I’m the world’s greatest thief and he’s the world’s greatest puzzle.’

 

‘My opinion on that is men are stupid’

 

The laugh he had let out still rings in his ears, alongside his reply

 

'Sara doll you wound me with your neverending support'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a little holdover chapter. mainly because im planning on having a big next chapter because i feel like i've worked out everyones voices. its a bit of a balancing act becuase im basing the plots off of a series with more than 3 characters, and trying to keep them matching this universe and still sounding like Shane, Sara and Ryan. 
> 
> I've gone back and given the previous chapters more crime caper names. 
> 
> thank you guys for all the comments! I really really appreciate them!


	7. Shane caught in a Trap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (bryce, didn't you say you were going to update pretty quickly and it was going to be a big next chapter)
> 
> hi im back! i was sad for a while and it was hard to write something happy so this took a little while, apologies.  
> this has my favourite ending line so i hope it makes up for the gap

Settling back into America and trying to forget the events that transpired in France. Was easier said than done. Shane knows he isn’t a weak man, more of a principled one, given his line of work. (Principled enough to be refusing acknowledgement of the fact he’s lost count of how many times he’s jerked off to the thought of Ryan)  
  
Sara’s disappeared, unable to hold off the calls of her ‘real job’, back she’s gone to the high life of hacking professionally. And now she exists as text only. Somehow, she’s even more adorable in that format. Shane gets the photos of them in Paris printed, and it’s a crying shame he doesn’t have a permanent base and therefore can’t really frame them and hang them on the walls. He sends them off to Sara instead. But keeps one of the photos, it’s of himself standing outside the Louvre, Sara had taken it, because of the height difference between the two, it was at an awkward angle. Shane’s flannel and a ball cap pulled low, big goofy smile. Keeping the photo isn’t an act of vanity, more another declaration in the fight between him and Ryan. Scrawling a note on the back of the picture and sending it off to the other man.  
  
Alongside the note, he writes more calling cards. Figuring post-Mona Lisa, you can only go bigger or give up. He’s gloating and flying too close to the sun and he knows it. The mirror in the rented-out apartment of the week is dirty and chipped. Shane doesn’t like the person staring back at him. Mirror Shane is tired, all stubble and more cynical than normal.  
  
There needs to be a change. Two weeks and three thefts ago, he felt on top of the world, in a country house with a paranormal investigator cum thief, and his best friend. Now he just feels deflated, stifled by the bare walls of the flat, the constant dripping of a leaky pipe. He’s out of clean clothes, the bed sheets are starting to smell just the wrong side of ripe. Worst of all the toilet won’t flush properly. Oh the Glamourous life of crime.  
  
Mirror Shane is telling him to move on with his life.  
  
‘Well at least my clothes can’t get any dirtier’, he says to his own reflection, which is probably the first sign of madness, but one he hit a long time ago. Fixing the toilet should be easy enough, without having to call a plumber and go through the effort of having to put a disguise on.  
  
It turns out that fixing the toilet is super easy because when he open’s the cistern lid, he immediately finds the problem.  
  
It’s a jewellery box, stuck in such a way that it blocks the flushing mechanism.  
  
Fishing it out and opening it, reveals nothing. It’s an empty box. He’s not a violent man, but in the quiet of the bathroom, against the dripping sound of the tap. His yell as he throws the box in a momentary fit of rage feels good. It feels like everything turns to slow motion. He can see half off mirror Shane still, the way he looks in abject shock, as the little-felted box spins and spins, and the engraving on the bottom catches the dingy bathroom light. Just to taunt him it falls bottom up. One singular letter stares at him, stupid rounded edges and straight lines.  
  
 **R**  
  
It’s more taunting than anything else, enough to spur him back into action. He has a heart to steal after all. He smirks, and mirror Shane smirks.  
  
Every heist matters now, more than just continuing his legacy. He needs a change of pace. He has an enigma to work out. An enigma that can’t be solved from this particular hideout.  
  
It’s not a rebranding, not a change like going from C.C Tinsley to just Shane M. It’s more a re-establishment. He’s not one for dramatic exits, but part of him wants to burn the hideout behind him. But it’s an apartment and some of his neighbours were actually nice. Instead, he leaves, takes everything with him, in the trunk of a rented out small car. Drives out to a field in whatever middle-of-nowhere town he can’t remember the name off and burns it all, except the car, he’s a thief not a maniac who enjoys walking back to town. It’s so out of character, yet so gratifying.  
  
The next day, he buys an all-new wardrobe. Fewer flannels more Hawaiian shirts, a nice pair of sturdy boots and a denim jacket.  He gets a pair of clear frame glasses. Gets a new camera just for himself. Drives across the Country and back to California. It’s just his luck that the apartment next to Ryan’s becomes available. Almost like fate.  
  
The apartment is perfect for his plans, not big enough to get comfy in, well decorated so he doesn’t feel like he’s going insane. The plumbing works, no dripping sound to drive him insane. His new wardrobe looks great hanging up, and Mirror Shane looks good, especially in this new mirror that isn’t stained and cracked.  
  
The chime of a doorbell interrupts, so he puts on an accent, British this time, and yells out  
  
‘Be there in a second’  
  
And while he meanders through the house he grabs bits of his disguise, just a well-designed mask that covers his face and the wig that goes with it. And looking in the mirror next to the door, his reflection shows an unrecognisable man with rounder features and black hair.  
  
It’s Ryan behind the door. Ryan and a bottle of whiskey. Not the nicest stuff, more gas store kind of whiskey.  
  
‘Hey new neighbour, I’m Ryan from next door’  
  
‘Hi, I’m Steve, please come in’  
  
‘Ahh I can’t but I appreciate the offer. I thought I’d drop this off though, as a housewarming present’  
  
‘Thank you mate, I hope to see you around I guess’  
  
They exchange goodbyes, and Ryan’s gone. It’s not till Shane closes the door and turns around, does he see the felt jewellery box Ryan taunted him with, left out on the hallway table, well within sight of the door.  
  
Who can blame him for opening the whiskey and its burn tastes like the churning in his stomach, another thing to ignore as he buries himself into plans for his next caper.  
  
   
  
An episode of Unsolved goes up that night, Ryan in his decorated room, Pepe Silvia board off Shane M’s capers behind him. In his hand, he holds the picture Shane had sent the week before. Shane knows that his declaration of stealing Ryan’s heart is something only Ryan can know since he wrote it on his arm and nowhere else. But to see the picture of himself and know the note that he wrote on the back of it, pushes an unfamiliar feeling into Shane’s stomach. It’s a feeling of butterflies, the feeling of not caring if the world (or Unsolved’s rabid internet fandom) see’s that he’s in love with Ryan.  
  
‘So this is a little special. I’ve had contact with the mystery thief himself. He sent me this little photo in the mail and it has a little personal note on the back’  
  
And when he flips it over Shane see’s that he’s blacked out certain parts of the note.

 

 

   
  
Ryan’s voice is explaining, how he has had to block out certain words to protect his location and parts of Shane’s identity. But Shane can barely hear it over the static in his brain and the butterflies in his stomach at the sight of his own handwriting in Ryan’s hands. The whiskey is burning his throat and suddenly everything feels too hot, as the memories fly back in and the knowledge that Ryan must have filmed it in the house next door.  
  
The next day he wakes up, burns off a hangover pushed to the back of his head to let his plans take over.  
  
The first heist goes perfectly, stealing money from banks is child’s play for him at this point.  
  
But he’s short on cash, he just brought an apartment after all.  
  
The next heist is a little more overcomplicated, stealing jewels from a locked safe on a boat, the only challenge is its owned by mobsters. Yet when he’s speeding away on one of the motorised lifeboats, it seems a breeze.  
  
The third heist is where it all seems to go a little wrong, where little traces of Ryan’s mysterious crime skills sneak through. Because when he turns up outside the house of whatever Hollywood superstar has rented out the $3mil Swarovski jewels, the jewels are long gone. And in its place is the jewellery box and Shane knows when he looks at the base he will see the letter R. The stinger is, when he does flip it over, the R is followed by a G.  
  
That knowledge, a clue into who Ryan might be beyond a face on the screen. He lets it slide but weighs the information and stores it away.  
  
Shane likes it when his capers go easy, it’s a nice indicator that he’s doing well. Evading the arm of the law yet keeping his name in the public eye. The fourth theft this week feels like it’s going too easy though. Since he’s stealing an F1 car. Which should have entirely more security than it does. It’s going swimmingly, so swimmingly that when his phone buzzes in his pocket, he takes the call, something he normally wouldn’t do.  
  
The way the caller opens with ‘Mr. Madej’ is a damning indication of what’s to follow, and Shane knows it.  
  
‘We have your friend, the little content creator boy. Ric- Ryan, I think is his name. Say hello Ryan’  
  
Shane could almost laugh at the little-muffled voice. Whoever’s taken Ryan clearly fancies themselves as a Bond Villain.  
  
‘Leave the car and come to the front, I have a driver waiting for you’  
  
It’s a confusing moment, two conflicting forces stretched out over Shane’s tall frame. One pulling him towards finishing the theft, the second pushing him to save a short man who likes muscles t-shirts and basketball, that Shane has just happened to fall in love with.  
  
The car out-front isn’t even a fancy limo or anything, it’s an uber. Shane’s in an uber to go save the life of stupid Ryan Bergara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘Ryan, you’d better look at that note, I have a bomb  
> I haven’t made good on my promise to steal your heart yet  
> But I will soon ghoul boy  
> Here’s me in Paris, you know before I stole the Mona Lisa  
> Thanks for all the help with that by the way  
> Maybe you should go back to hunting ghosts, I miss those videos  
> With love, forever yours  
> Shane Madej p.s. see you soon'
> 
>  
> 
> ao3 wouldn't format the blacking out and the strikethrough lost the point really so excuse my dodgy handwriting and lack of black sharpie it's authentic in that its written on a photo
> 
> Please go bug me on tumblr leave me dm's! i love comments! I will respond to everyone even critiscism!
> 
> I am completly unbeta'd, and constructive feedback is appreciated.  
> According to my paper notes this has 3 more chapters left. But knowing what I have planned it should have a little more shelf life. 
> 
> in the gap between chapters i wrote a little explantory story on how the worth it boys got together in this universe.  
> it's a bit more my normal writing and i'm really proud of it so please go read and comment i've joined them up in a series so hit next work


	8. Just then, an old buddy appeared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: there is mild violence, guns are mentioned, a shot is fired but not to injure

It’s like a checklist of crime film tropes, so much so, Shane could tick them off on his fingers. Instead, he marks them out in his head as the uber pulls into the destination.

 

Non-Descript Factory, check

 

Night falling, check

 

Remote location, check

 

Five stars, check

 

 

 

At least no one’s patted him down for his gun, but the big hulking brute of a guy that’s guarding the door is probably, no definitely going to. Shane knows the situation isn’t in his favour, not that it was in the first place. But gun-less, backup-less and in the middle of nowhere. He’s fucked, whatever angle you come at it. Even whispering ‘Give em’ some good old Madej charm’ under his breath doesn’t actually do anything to shed light on the situation or bolster his waning confidence. Diplomacy and charm are all he has left though, and to go down like this is no legacy for someone like him. Brave face Madej is the mask he has to wear. The factory is rotting, stripped away off machinery, covered in dust and spiderwebs. But that’s not the focal point, the focal point is in the middle of the room.

 

Ryan, tied to a table, naked except for briefs and the shine of a duct tape gag. The table tilted up, so their eye lines meet. All cockiness and confidence he’s seen in the Ryan that hunts him down, that joins him in crimes, gone. In its place, a face not dissimilar to the one Shane remembers Ryan pulling on ghost hunts. Eyes wide in fear, face muscles pulled incorrectly due to the duct tape covering Ryan’s mouth.

 

It sinks into Shane, shoved through the factory by door guard brute guy, who the hell Ryan actually is. How blinded he’s been by stupid declarations of love, to not see what was in front of him the whole time. He feels like a foolish rookie, something he’s used to feeling around Ryan. Then Ryan’s kidnapper, falls into his eye line and it clicks.  Because the Bennett clan has nothing to do with him, he hasn’t stolen from them, but the Bennett clan absolutely has a mark on Ricky Goldsworth.

 

‘Madej, hey, glad you could make it’

 

Brent is cool as a cucumber, awkward looking but confident in his skin, something Shane feels like he isn’t. In any other world, Shane knows he and Brent would get on like a house on fire. Instead, he just must play the surname game.

 

‘Bennett, so nice of you to invite me here, but I haven’t got time for pleasantries’

 

‘Oh don’t worry Shane, wouldn’t want to keep you long. Just. Your boy here owes me something.’

 

Ryan grumbles through his tape.

 

Of course, this is where Brent pulls a gun. Taps it gently against the side of Ryan’s head.

 

‘He’s not actually my boy you know, he’s his own man. Aren’t you’

 

Brent gives a crocodile smile, Ryan’s eyes crinkle in an emotion Shane can’t detect.

 

‘As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted. Mr Ghostbuster over here owes me something. Unfortunately, it’s a life for a life. If I were a kinder man, I’d give you a few final moments together. But instead, I’m just gonna get it over and done with. Say bye bye Ricky’

 

Shane feels somewhat proud that Ryan doesn’t dignify Brent with a muffled cry, that instead he just resettles his features into peace. And then a phone ringtone breaks the moment. It’s Brent’s, who pulls it out with a look of disbelief on his face, whose disbelieving laugh echoes around the factory. It’s enough of a distraction for Shane to take two steps forward and knock the gun out of Brent’s hand, spin himself around and hold the gun up to Brent’s head. In the movement, Shane can see that the text that’s interrupted the procedure, has the distinctive language pattern of Sara. The goon at the door is pulling a gun, Shane’s a fast-enough shot to shoot it out of the goons’ hands.

 

Shane’s voice comes out steady, ‘I think it would be wise to take your leave now Bennett, you and I both know I’m not one for unnecessary lives. I’d give you my card but I’m all out, unfortunately, I can call you an uber though’

 

‘Alright alright, you win this one Madej. This doesn’t mean you and our old friend Goldsworth are out of trouble.’ Brent pauses, leans into the gun for a second. ‘I’ll get my own uber thanks, keep the gun. You earnt it’

 

Shane lets Brent go with a laugh that’s evidently faked and a yell of ‘don’t worry, I’ll lock up’

 

Brent and his goon’s footsteps are distant echoes when Shane turns to Ryan.

 

‘Hi Ryan, how you feeling’, he rips the tape gag off of Ryan’s mouth.

 

‘I’m feeling just great thanks, Mr Madej.’ Is Ryan’s grimace of a reply, still heavy with sarcasm.

 

Shane’s cutting up the zip ties that have trapped Ryan to the table, trying to ignore the golden skin and focus on getting the ties off.

 

‘Humour me for a minute Shane’

 

Shane looks up from cutting Ryan’s left wrist loose, Ryan’s eyes are intense, mouth still red from the tape, he can hear the lub-dub of Ryan’s heart, stretching the silence out between them.

 

‘What are we to each other?.... You gave up a great steal to come rescue me. We fuck, we steal, are we lovers, rivals or obstacles?’

 

He cuts Ryan’s other wrist free, rubs the marks down gently with his hands.

 

‘I think about you a lot, you should know that. I don’t think I can answer that question. Especially after I’ve just found out you’ve spent this whole’ he waves his hand as if it will indicate whatever this is ‘time, lying to me in a sense. About who you are. I thought you were a ghost hunter, some content creator for the kids who got too invested in me and my crimes. Yet here we are, and you’re actually this criminal mastermind, the kind of guy I would never play in the same ballpark as’

 

He plants a gentle kiss on each wrist, ‘you know, Ryan, Ricky, whatever. Surely it doesn’t matter’

 

Ryan brings his wrists up slowly, pulls Shane up from the angle he’s leaned down to untie Ryan.

 

It’s a funny environment, the worst imaginable. But Shane’s eyes sparkle with charm, the kind of charm that makes the world around them fall away. And the sparkle in Shane’s eyes matches the golden gleam of the ring that’s been slipped around Ryan’s left ring finger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ehhhh okay so i was like i need a bad guy and i was gonna use ned becuase im ehh on ned but then i used brent but its like in name only i didnt even bother with characterisation, it was more because of the taco video.
> 
> every part of me wanted and needed shane to sing abba in this chapter but it really didn't fit. 
> 
> i'm wondering if i should do like a masterlist of references i've made to like lupin iii and other source material in the fic but i also think that's a cop-out and my writing should stand up on its own.


	9. An Angel's Tactics

‘Bold move back their big guy, for proposing to me while I was in my boxers’  
  
‘How could I resist your charm, the smile behind the duct tape, those abs’  
  
Adding babe on the end is probably overkill to the sarcasm, but he does it anyway, just to see the sour pout twist onto Ryan’s face.  
  
Ryan’s pout is illuminated every few seconds by passing headlights ‘I did mean it though. That’s what you mean to me, it doesn’t matter about anything else.’  
  
Ryan’s silent the rest of the journey, it would be enough to make Shane panic, apart from the warm weight of Ryan’s hand on his lap, squeezing his thigh every once in a while.  
  
Here they are, in an uber back from what’s basically a kidnapping, where Ryan was close to dying if it wasn’t for Sara’s clairvoyant assistance. They couldn’t find Ryan’s clothes, so the shorter man is wrapped in Shane’s denim jacket, which is bulging against Ryan’s arm muscles, but swamping him in fabric everywhere else. The hand that’s squeezing his thigh has a ring that he placed there. And all he wanted to do when he set out that morning was steal a car. That’s when he cracks, the laughter bubbling out of him slightly sadistically, he can feel Ryan’s eyes widen and then Ryan whispers, ‘Holy Shit you fucking proposed to me’ and crack up next to him.  
  
The uber driver probably thinks they're insane, an abnormally tall guy and a guy in nothing but a jacket and boxers, literally laughing to the point of tears out of nowhere.  
  
Shane doesn’t care, as he wipes the tears away from his eyes and tries to suppress the next wave of giggles.  
  
Even by the time they back to the apartments (and give the uber driver 5 stars), neither of them has gotten control of the giggles.  
  
Unspoken agreement makes them head to Ryan’s, mainly for clothes. Shane’s grateful that Ryan’s hand migrates from his thigh to his hand, and they walk to the door holding hands loosely. Like there joint hands are some unspoken agreement that everything is forgiven. They're going to have to talk about things eventually, it figures that a marriage won’t start well if it’s based upon falsehoods. But for this moment, in L.A’s polluted skies, in this apartment, the ifs and buts, truths and lies, how precarious everything is, doesn’t matter. Instead, Shane focuses on the way Ryan feels pushed up against the door, the way their mouths move against each other, how warm Ryan’s skin is. They don’t make it into the bedroom, Shane’s peeling his own denim jacket off Ryan while Ryan presses tiny bites into his neck. It’s easy for Shane to slip a hand into Ryan’s boxers, its all the man is wearing after all. Ryan comes apart in seconds, with a strangled grunt released into Shane’s collarbones.  
  
They make it about three feet further down the hallway before Ryan’s pressing Shane to the wall, sinking to his knees, unzipping Shane’s jeans, bunching them up with his boxers and pulling them down in one go. Ryan gives the most measured blow job, in spite of the sense of urgency in the whole situation, Shane’s hand scrabbling through the coarse short black hair, as he guides Ryan’s head up and down. It doesn’t take much to get to the edge, and the moment Ryan swallows him down to the base, he’s spilling down Ryan’s throat.  
  
Everything that follows feels like a dream, they work around each other in sync, like they’ve had years of practice in each other’s circles, not just brief moments spanned out through months. Cleaning up, putting clothes into the wash, sharing kisses with each other. Like there just a normal couple, normal people settled down into a routine. Shane’s spent his whole life putting on literal and figurative masks, it’s here in Ryan’s apartment, dancing this dance of normalcy, that he feels the most at home in his skin.  
  
Domestic chores are done, a quick trip next door for provisions in the form of clothes, whiskey and a camera, they make there way to the bed. Curled up against each other, sleep comes easy.  
  
Shane wakes up alone. The pit that sinks into his stomach almost feels like second nature now, it’s cold in the same way that Ryan’s side of the bed is cold. He might have marked Ryan as his, but Ryan is really the one stringing him along. Resigned to this fate, hand scrapes the floor for the discarded whiskey bottle. Might as well drink to forget, more of the fact he was a fool, he doesn't want to forget Ryan.   
  
That’s when he hears it, the almighty crash of pans from the kitchen. Ryan’s muttered curse words. He doesn’t need the whiskey anymore, but he feels whiskey warm. Ryan stayed, even as his brain helpfully supplies, that Ryan stayed in his own apartment. And the idiots making him breakfast, judging by the sounds. And then he hears other voices, and the pit doesn’t return, but the warmth starts to drain. It’s too many ups and downs for having just woken up. He grabs his glasses from the side and silently crosses the room to the door.  
  
‘Ryan just take a breath, take a minute. It’s just eggs’ the first voice is measured, but the voice that follows is chipper and emphasised.  
  
‘Eggs Ryan! Easier than a powerpoint’  
  
‘Shut up. Look I just want to make a nice breakfast for him’  
  
‘We don’t even know who this mystery man is Ryan, look at poor Steven, he’s going to explode if he doesn’t meet the man who's captured Ryan ‘only has eyes for master criminals’ Bergara's heart’ the measured voice states.  
  
The mention of a Steven clues Shane into who’s occupying the kitchen and the realisation that his fiancé has invited people he knows Shane has stolen from, into the apartment. Just to make him eggs.

Who says love is dead. Shane is just making his mind up on whether to go back to bed or to enter the kitchen when he realises someone is watching him. Wide eyes hidden behind a pair of glasses peering from down the hallway.  
  
For some dumbass reason, all Shane can think off to say is  
  
‘Hi’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess my upload day is monday now! Also I feel mean like knowing where this story is going? I think I might attempt Nanowrimo but for this fic. So go back and like edit the already written chapters. I don't know If I have it in me. But i would love to give it a try.  
> Please leave comments here tumblr twitter wherever they keep me going :) 
> 
> a wierd add on but like i know im writing rpf but also i dont ship these guys irl? (probably because my actualy couple goals are shane/sara)  
> they were just a good couple to use for this au. but if u are reading this and ur the kind of person who like comments on insta posts like shippy stuff..... maybe don't do that?


	10. requiem for the assassins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (there are mentions of past-violence and a character having previously killed people. it is only mentioned in passing and there is no detail. also mentions off kidnap but again no detail)

Shane feels like its quite possibly the most awkward staring competition he’s ever been part off. Unsurprisingly, Adam wins. Evidently, there’s no prize, but the shock on Adam’s face is melting into a smile and he gestures for Shane to head into the kitchen first. Ryan’s kitchen is not exactly large, Steven is sat on the counter next to the oven, Andrew hovering behind Ryan who’s at the stove, grumbling into a pan  of what looks and smells like burnt eggs. He can hear Adam taking a seat at the table behind him, and he can see the way Steven and Andrew turn and stare at him. Steven’s face is borderline gleeful, even Andrew seems to have a glint in his eye. The media portrays two of them, especially Andrew, as sort of stand-offish and creepy, Steven's sunny smile is exempt. But at this moment Shane feels like he’s sort of stumbled into a very healthy friendship that Ryan obviously keeps up with the three men. It’s the weirdest stand of he’s ever been involved in. Not one waged with guns, but instead with looks. Shane had expected almost an immediate fight, the cops busting down the doors arresting him or at least being at the receiving end of a healthy right hook. Instead what he gets is Ryan, sleepy Ryan, in sweatpants and a loose t-shirt, glasses slipping down his face, turning to look at him holding on to the pan of burnt eggs, saying ‘Ta da’  
  
Behind him, Adam says he’ll make some coffee, and they all rejig. Steven stays on the counter now looking like he’s about to explode with excitement, Andrew gives his husband a squeeze on the leg and moves to sit down. A deflated-looking Ryan follows, making a stop to put the burnt eggs in the bin. There’s only one chair left, but Adam gives a head nod from where he’s grinding coffee, so Shane takes it as a cue to sit down.  
  
Grumpy looks cute on Ryan. It feels almost domestic, in a way Shane’s never experienced before. It occurs to him, in the period of silence that’s punctuated by the makings off coffee, that he should feel nervous, he’s meeting his boyfriend’s friends, who also happen to the people he’s stolen from. But instead of nervous he feels sort of mushy inside, that it’s nice to be surrounded by people instead of just being him on his lonesome. It’s almost like that night him, Ryan and Sara got drunk in France. Like life is providing him with an opportunity to emulate that morning and change the scenario into how he had wanted it to go, all those many months back.  
  
Andrew breaks the silence, in a voice that seems tinged by a suppressed desire to giggle. ‘Ryan, you mean to tell us, that mysterious man you’ve spent the past few months constantly moaning about, is in fact, Shane M’.  
  
While Andrew talks, Adam brings round the coffees, handing a cup to everyone, before going to stand next to Steven. Ryan’s trying to stumble together words, stuttering out ‘uh’ and ‘ums’. Adam kindly puts Ryan out of his stuttering misery by stating ‘The Shane M who stole our Van Gough?’  
  
Finally, Steven’s excitement spills over, Shane realises all three of the men have the same gleam in there eye when they talk and that it probably originates from being in Steven’s presence.  ‘Oh my god, you met Shane M in our basement when we let you film for Unsolved. We did it we got Ryan his dream boyfriend. We did this us! The Worth it boys getting people together since… since 2016’ Andrew mutters under his breath, ‘At what cost’, which causes Steven to spiral off into giggles.  
  
Ryan lets go off his coffee cup and reaches out across the table, taking Shane’s hand in his. Ryan takes a heavy breath before speaking, his hair is in absolute disarray like he’s run hands through it too many times, and when he shifts Shane notes a red bruise just peering out from the collar of the t-shirt. Who can blame him from smirking into his coffee the way he does.  
  
‘The Van Gough is in the spare room. This sap here left it on my doorstep as a present. I just never got around to selling it’  
  
And somehow, it doesn’t matter that Shane is who he is. Because now everyone’s eyes are on Ryan.  
  
‘And why would you sell it? Not just give it back to us?’  
  
Ryan smiles, its almost bordering on a grimace. ‘I should uh tell some truths’, he squeezes Shane’s hand tightly, and let’s go. At one point it would have felt like a point of contact breaking, a way for Ryan to tease Shane with closeness. But now it just feels like a strengthen in their relationship, that and Ryan is a real hand talker.  
  
‘I used to be a gun for hire. A pretty damn good gun for hire at that. My parents got in trouble for something that I can’t even remember at this point. I was ransom, let me tell you being kidnapped when your 10 isn’t exactly fun. Someone threatened me with a gun and long story short, turned out I was a good shot.’ Ryan lets loose bark of laughter, Shane can feel his own face form a twisted smile as the other man continues. ‘I went by Ricky Goldsworth, I dabbled in occasional theft, but mostly I was just an assassin. It paid good, really good and hey I’m not proud of it. But it taught me some stuff, and I got to retire in a sense on a nice healthy pay’.  
  
‘Why work for BuzzFeed then?’ Shane finds himself asking, its more of an unspoken, ‘why do videos about me when you could have just met me through crime?’  
  
‘BuzzFeed was an easy job, nice little stopper gap. Still fun, but you know with less of the whole having to kill people part. I guess you guys’ and he gestures to the husbands ‘know that Unsolved was good and the views were good, but after Brent left I was at a crossroads. Then I did the case file on Shane, and those views went through the roof. So here I was, BuzzFeed’s resident Shane M. expert.’  
  
‘And you fell in love with me… who can blame you really, I’m a catch’, and Shane probably doesn’t deserve the laughter from the three men, and the fond Shut Up Shane he gets from Ryan. But it feels good none-the-less.  
  
Ryan’s face turns into the most curious smile, and he looks straight into Shane’s eyes as he say’s ‘Then I ran into someone during my research, someone who seemed to know a lot about old bone stilts over here.’  
  
It almost feels like they say Sara’s name at the same time. Shane laughs as Ryan keeps going. ‘Turned out Sara knew Shane, very well, enough that it gave extra content for the videos, bonus of having an inside link. And when Shane posted the note for you guys, you invited me into your house just thinking it would be like one of the old ghost hunts. Instead, I went into the basement and waited by the wines’  
  
Andrew moans at the mention of the wine. Which makes Steven and Adam share a curious look.  
  
‘I never lied about my name though, or most of me. I really am Ryan Bergara, and I just omitted a past life. Also, guys, meet my boyfriend, Shane Madej’  
  
Steven and Andrew at the same time go ‘Hi Shane Madej’ but Adam instead says ‘Does that mean we are complicit in hiding a fugitive’    
  
Shane wishes he hadn’t left his camera in the bedroom, because the tableau of shocked faces he’s staring at is kodak worthy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is like a few day's late because it took forever to phrase I am very uncomfortable with writing dialogue apparently. 
> 
> If u like worth it fics i wrote a really sad hanahaki one. it was really jarring to have written such emotionally draining stuff and then be like here they are all happy and married! so that didn't help with the delay. 
> 
> this is a reminder that i am open for like prompts for things i like being creative. 
> 
> (also my sister brought me an unsolved shirt cause they ship to uk now, and then the first day i wore it i got offered a job so)


	11. pray for the repose of your soul

Peaceful is the best way to describe it. A calm sweeping over after a lifetime of action. It feels good to be just into your thirties and already retired. And hey ho if the money he’s retiring on is all stolen money, at least it’s only stolen from people who have too much.  
  
The domestic life has never been a goal for Shane, but now he has it. It’s the most reasonable life, Ryan keeps up with work, videos go back to ghost hunting with only occasionally ‘Shane M.’ updates. Because Shane M seems to have gone on hiatus, disappeared into as Ryan describes it with a dark face ‘into the criminal underworld’.

Ryan comes home from work, the day he posts Shane's 'retirement' video to the Unsolved network, to his apartment and finds Shane ready with two glasses of sparkling wine in hand. They get drunk a little too fast, watch a couple scary movies together before indulging in a congratulatory fuck, the kind with Shane bent over the couch and clothes not quite of off bodies. They make it to bed for round two and don’t leave said bed until late the next afternoon.  
  
Shane finds himself slotted into Ryan’s work life, in an odd way. It’s almost impossible for him to come out as Ryan’s boyfriend without a disguise, but Ryan seems dead set against that idea. So, he finds himself relegated to learning everything about Ryan’s office mates and unable to put a face too them. He knows Ryan is out at work, has told select co-workers that he is dating someone. Shane doesn’t want it to cause friction in the relationship, but its hard to be hidden away, so used to the limelight crime gave him. And he senses the way Steven, Andrew and Adam pop up in some iteration or other, schemeing on Ryan's part to placate his worries. It's normally on trips to coffee shops and not always with Ryan in tow. There’s one memorable day when the three of them come round to help Shane move into Ryan’s apartment, and then move furniture around the apartment. It’s a bit shambolic, 5 grown men squeezing around the tiny rooms. No one gets injured too badly, but it probably wasn’t wise for them to crack open beers halfway through the day. It also marks a discovery at how close Andrew and Shane humour is, the other three staring on bemused by the acerbic banter. By the end of the day, Shane and Ryan graciously let the other three take the bed and they pull the couch pillows down to the floor and make a makeshift bed that will accommodate Shane’s height.  
  
Things are so relaxed and after three months of living together, the gold band on Ryan’s ring finger keeps catching Shane’s eye. A reminder of a promise made in a warehouse. He spends the time that Ryan is at work on the phone to Sara, planning things, a life beyond the flat. He thinks he might just settle for the married life, away from crime, that he might make up for the sins of his past. And the time between the phone calls to Sara, the visits from the worth-it boys and Ryan being back from work, he does his best to ignore and dampen down the longing he feels for one more great heist.  
  
Ignores how much he misses the thrill of a steal, even when he’s being peppered in Ryan’s kisses, it doesn’t quite match up to the euphoria of getting away with the perfect crime. It’s not wise to bury things down, but he can’t quite work out how to bring it up to Ryan. It nearly gets brought up, but Shane picks a bad day when Ryan’s come home with the news that dropping views mean his ghost series might get dropped. That the videos aren’t doing as well without the strength of Shane M’s crimes to back them up. Every part of Shane wants to say ‘I can go back, I want to go back and steal this and that. I’d do it for you and the views’, instead, he lets Ryan shout in anger, watches the short man run paces around the kitchen and obviously says the wrong thing. The slam of the door tells him that it’s not the right time to bring it up. He’s a little wound up, that he can’t soothe Ryan the way he wants to, that he can’t be the perfect boyfriend and therefore husband, that he can’t resist the pull of his past life.  
  
It’s not his wisest idea to snoop around boxes that Ryan seems to have tried his best to hide, but he does. What he finds hurts, pings across him with pain. Leaves him feeling hollow, the sound of Ryan slamming the door keeps replaying in his mind. He crawls into bed, desolate and feeling empty.  
  
When Ryan finally crawls into bed that night, smelling like an odd combination of bar and gym. Shane looks him in the eye, asks the question that’s been weighing on his mind since the morning where Ryan burnt the eggs, fuelled by what he found abandoned in a box.  
  
‘Was what you said that day, about who Ricky Goldsworth is, really true?’  
  
It’s the only time he is ever scared of Ryan, the gleam in his eyes as he drunkenly laughs at Shane. The laugh snakes its way into a ‘What do you think’. It takes a long time for Shane to fall asleep after that.  
  
Neither of them brings the night up, Shane’s unsure if Ryan even remembers. He lets the days go by and tries to push what he now knows deep down, alongside the urge to steal. It gets easier when Sara arrives, but something in him is stopping a full confession to his oldest friend.  
  
The night they get married, marks a year since they first met. Neither of them believes in fate, but it almost feels like destiny, getting married under the cover of darkness, in the garden of the mansion that they first met in. The honeymoon Shane indulges Ryan, books them on a ghost tour and a room in a fancy hotel.  
  
And somewhere, out in the middle of America, in a damp ‘haunted’ house, Shane thinks that maybe, just maybe. That this is perfection, that he might know what happy is, what love is, despite all his doubts. The thought bounces through his mind, that he could die happy then and there, on a ghost tour, next to a man that he loves.   
  
It actually comes as a shock, when Ryan pulls the gun on him. The way he feels his own blood pooling around his feet. And in his vision already pulling hazy at the edges, he sees Ryan lift the gun to his own temple.   
  
 

* * *

  
  
The funeral ends up being on a dark rainy day, umbrellas held by the funeral goers almost useless against the relentless beating of the rain that clouds the skies. Shane’s wishes were to be buried up in the mountainside, surrounded by the lush earth. They bury Ryan’s body alongside him. Near the entirety of the Buzz Feed office turns up, hiking up the trails in the rain. And when the majority of them have gone and paid their respect, it’s just Sara, Steven, Adam and Andrew left.

Sara jokes through tears, that Shane would have found it hysterical how pissed off Ryan would be if he knew he was being buried here out in the country and not nearer California. They pay their own little respects, and when everyone has left, it's just two mounds of dirt in the earth, and a book Adam had gently placed down between the two mounds.   
  
   
  
The book is the Wedding Photographs, that Shane and Ryan never got to see.  
  
Sara officiating in a pretty dress, dwarfed by the two grooms, who are looking at each other with the goofiest smiles on there faces.  
  
The stupidity of Ryan giving Shane a piggyback down the makeshift aisle, Shane’s trousers bunched up revealing stark white skin against Ryan’s dark black suit, illuminated further by the cameras flash.  
  
Andrew’s morose face to Shane’s gleaming smile as he hands over the bottle of wine that Adam had purchased to make up for the one that Shane had stolen originally.

A shot of the first kiss, the way both their eyes were closed, the way their hands are tangled in each other, and the matching rings on fingers. Love so evident, captured forever on film. Left to rot in the earth, alongside those encapsulated in its frame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's that cowboy bebop end card... are we living in the real world?


	12. A toast, to the con-game

It’s worldwide news, some twisted love story that is being devoured on every platform. The murder-suicide of a viral ghost hunter turned thief-catcher and the very thief he had dedicated his life too catching.  
  
Some kooky conspiracy theorist had worked it out, Sara hadn’t even had the mind to hide Shane and Ryan’s names on the Wedding Registry, and there they were easily googleable. It was all an accident, out of her control. But the media ran with it, sucked it up like hawks.  
  
Andrew had made a statement, on behalf of his husbands and Buzz Feed. It was placating, a way to try and not defame Ryan in death. The video is shaky, the three of them had retreated to the mansion, just to get away from it all. Andrew’s face is sunken in, voice monotone as he reads. “Our friend Ryan, who you knew from Unsolved, was a delight, a kind and funny man. With large aspirations to find ghosts and catching criminals. We knew he had a new boyfriend, we were never privy to who it was. All three of us are as shocked by the events that happened. And hope that both men can find peace or at least a form of redemption in another world. It’s been hard to have found this all out post-things, and while we are as sad as some of you may be that Ryan kept truths from us. We are grateful to have been friends with Ryan.” Adam lets the camera linger on Andrew, zooming out a little to reveal the Van Gough that Shane had stolen, behind Andrew. On Steven’s request, they end the video with links to Mental Health charities and Anti-Gun movements, hyperlinked over a grainy photo of Shane and Ryan ‘caught on CCTV’ kissing each other. In reality, it was taken from Adam’s photos, but for any of them to admit that they knew what was going on, would make them implicit in hiding fugitives.  
  
The three of them go back to their normal life, keep making Worth It videos, keep running the restaurants. It’s hard at first, but in time they know it will get easier. And sometimes if Steven murmurs ‘It feels like the both of them are still around’, his husbands just placate him with kisses and talk memories. After all, it gets easier with time.  
  
It takes 3 months. Enough time to have passed for the general media and public to have forgotten about Ryan and Shane, but not too much that they are completely out of the memory of the public. A video drops, on the Unsolved Network YouTube page, it's blurry and shoddily edited, but the internet goes wild.  
  
Two men, both draped in sheets with holes for eyes cut out, one stupidly tall, the other a reasonable height. It’s less than a minute, could be mistaken for a still image apart from the slight swaying of the sheets in a breeze. No sound, just static. Until one word Is said.  
  
‘Boo’  
  
Sara hadn’t been surprised when Shane had come to her with the idea. They had talked about it so much, back in the days of their baby crimes and chilling with stray cats. To fake a death, the ultimate crime. To disappear and then come back as someone else. She had always put it off, as the one crime that Shane would never dare to do.  
  
The saddest thing, she thinks, is that she thought Shane was finally happy, to settle down with Ryan. That maybe the life of a family man was enough for him to give all the thieving up. Stupid really that she thought love would make Shane stop. She hadn’t even realised anything was wrong until the text had come through. Chiming on her phone barely 10 minutes after Shane and Ryan had left their own wedding, headed away to their ghost hunting honeymoon.  
  
It was the simplest text, ‘Disappearing act, be safe, love you’  
  
The feeling that had settled in her stomach on receiving the text hadn’t left. The funeral was the worst, having to fake the tears especially in front of the three Worth It men, who she had come to grow fond of. Despite her career choices she has never been one for lying, and the words that spill out of her mouth in the pouring rain on the mountainside, had sounded desperately fake to her ears. The feeling didn’t dissipate, until three months later, when she comes home to her rented L.A apartment and finds a white jiffy envelope. It contained nothing but a thumb drive and a tube of hair dye, in purple. She knew what to do, that night, hands tinged purple she had opened the drive, it contained two files. One was a notes document, written in a code only she and Shane would know and the other file was a 39-second long video clip.  
  
 _sara doll_  
  
 _safe somewhere being bigfoot (ha)_  
  
 _don't know where ryan ended up_  
  
 _support him for me if he needs it_  
  
 _which he probably won't_  
  
 _see you in a while_  
  
 _more to follow_  
  
 _upload to unsolved, please_  
  
 _yours_  
  
 _s m._  
  
The clip is short enough that it takes less than 5 minutes to upload to YouTube, it takes longer for her to actually go in and cover her ISP and digital traces. Most of the evening is spent looking at the video, looping it over and over, the sway of the sheets. The gait of Shane that’s so familiar to her, and the way Ryan stands just as strong next to him. Even covered by sheets both men’s separate personalities are so perceptible. She really thought it would last between them. For half a second, she ponders where the two of them found lookalike bodies and then immediately thinks off kittens in baskets, she’s a hacker behind screens for a reason, not cut out for the gory side of crime.  
  
The next month another envelope appears, inside is a tube of turquoise dye and another thumb drive. There’s no note on the drive, just one video clip. The colour of the dye is just as good as a note, turquoise looks great in her curls. She lets it settle in while the video uploads. This time it’s just Shane, he’s sat on the mound that is his ‘grave’, looking cheerful and happy. The quality is different, still a camera phone, but obviously a different model with lower megapixels. Shane says nothing, it could be mistaken for a GIF again until Shane gets up and walks out of frame. The camera focuses on the mound, where a drawing has been etched. Sara recognises it as a shoddy imitation of one her own. The first calling card doodle she ever drew for Shane. His face in the skull and bones style. It doesn’t say what he’s going to steal, but the intent is clear. It will be big.  
  
Shane turns up at Sara’s door three days later, an apologetic smile on his face, and a pet carrier in the other.  
  
‘A Kitten won’t make up for what you did’  
  
‘Sara doll, so lovely to see you too’      
  
He talks about everything, in a way she’s trying to catch him up, but he’s the one talking. There are inquiries on how the Worth-It Boys are doing, she notes there’s no surprise on his face when she mentions how broken up Steven was, especially when the Ghost sheets video was uploaded, in its place is guilt. He asks about her work, menial things he would never normally bring up. He never once brings up Ryan. She knows better than to push. And whenever the conversation veers close to talking about the man, she watches his eyes go glassy. It’s an emotion she’s not used to seeing on Shane, it looks wrong. Unfounded sadness or wistfulness, she can’t quite tell.  
  
It all seems timed too perfectly, when that night snuggled up on the couch, new as yet unnamed kitten running around their feet. A new video is uploaded onto the Unsolved YouTube. A video that Sara knows she didn’t upload. She casts it on the TV without asking for permission.  
  
Ryan looks haggard, worn down. The title of the video is clearly YouTube clickbait. Shane has the saddest smile when he clocks it.  
  
I WAS KIDNAPPED BY THE THIEF I HUNTED  
  
The theory board, that Ryan films in front of normally is partially torn down.  
  
Sara barely hears anything Ryan says, its like nonsense to her as she watches Shane react. Words jump out. ‘Forced to marry’ ‘False pretences’ ‘Kidnapped and fake murdered’ Before the video ends, she knows Ryan says something along the lines of ‘but I will still keep up with Shane M’s capers.’  
  
Sara has never seen emotion on Shane that isn’t on the spectrum of happy, even when he's in the deepest messes, he does everything with a smile on his face. Who can blame her when she gasps at the sight of a tear rolling down his face. The way he laughs it off is hollow.  
  
It’s barely a whisper when he talks.  
  
‘I do love him. He’s a good little deceptive bastard. Everything is lies mixed in with truths. Just makes me look like a bad guy for a while. Guess we are going to have to change that then’ he laughs, it sounds normal. ‘Let’s get our little crime show back on the road then hey’  
  
Sara can practically hear the cogs turning in his head, she plants a kiss on his forehead.  
  
They spend the rest of the night scheming.  
  
   
  
It’s a live broadcast, goes out on every screen in the world. Shane owes Sara a thousand kittens for pulling it off. The kind of scheme he had wanted to pull off for as long as the faking his death ploy.  
  
‘Let me clarify a few things. I never stole Ryan Bergara, he stole from me really. My heart that is. And frankly, it wounds me that he would try and defame me like this. But here’s the plan and I thought I’d let you all know, and just hope that Ryan hears.  
  
You know what I’ve always wanted to steal from you Ryan… your Satisfaction. At finding ghosts, at finding me. Whatever. And oh, by the way. That ‘ghost’ in the Sallie House, that was just me. I’ve been following you for longer than you think.  
  
So now I’ve stolen some truths from you, now I’ll have to steal some treasures. Make my mark on the world again. Remind you all who I truly am. And luckily enough, guess what’s being flown over for a museum opening. The aptly named Satisfactio treasures. So here’s my calling card world. Tonight I, Shane M. will steal the Satisfactio treasures.’  
  
The stream cuts out on Shane’s echoing laughter. Screens go back to normal, users and watchers alike in shock at what just happened. Shane happily sits back and watches twitter mentions of his name go crazy. Stuff like  
  
‘The Satisfactio treasures aren’t even that exciting. All they are is Roman rocks!’  
  
‘How dare Shane M interrupt my film for that bullshit stream’  
  
‘Does he want Ryan back? Is Ryan going to go follow him?’  
  
Shane doesn’t even watch the hastily put together video Ryan does on his stream. He’s too busy getting ready.  
  
It’s favours he’s calling in to get on the flight. Or well, on top of the flight. It’s insane, stupid but it works. And when he’s crawling back out of the hatch, a bunch of ancient Roman rocks in a duffel bag, it’s almost pleasant to see Ryan, sat cross-legged next to the hatch.  
  
The wind is howling, a rush in his ears, all he can hear is his own heartbeat. All he can focus on is the gun in Ryan’s hand.  
  
It always ends like this for him, but he’s fed up of betrayal.  
  
He feels superhuman, the way he pushes himself and the bag up through the wind. The gunshot pings off the metal of the plane and whip away into nothingness. Rushing towards Ryan, pulling him into a hug like they are reunited lovers, which in a way they are.  
  
Ryan shouts ‘Feeling Brave big guy’ into his ear, and then they are falling, joined together but falling through mid-air, the plane getting further and further away, the lights of the world below getting closer and closer.  
  
When he deploys the parachute, everything stops, it's in this sudden silence that Shane finds the words that have been weighing down on him.  
  
‘Why couldn’t we work Ryan. I wanted to give up everything for you’  
  
‘Love is too much for deceivers like us’  
  
‘Marriage would have been too boring I know’  
  
Shane puts everything into the kiss he presses against Ryan’s lips. Every feeling, all the love he felt, its an apology and goodbye and the biggest declaration of love.  
  
‘This isn’t over, I’ll chase you to the ends of the earth Shane Madej’  
  
‘I wouldn’t expect anything less. At least I stole your heart, Ryan Bergara’  
  
He feels more than sees Ryan’s arms letting go of him, the wind whistling the only indication of his descent speeding up with the loss of weight. He watches Ryan deploy his own parachute. Comes back down to earth a little lighter, less heart heavy. And when he reaches into his pocket and feels something in there that wasn’t before, he’s surprised to see Ryan’s engagement ring, looped on a chain. It feels good when he adds his own engagement and wedding ring to the chain. Feels the weight as a constant reminder, A reminder of the little adventure he had, and the adventure still to come.  
  
 

* * *

  
  
Sometimes, viewers of Unsolved think they see a familiar tall figure, shadowed in the background of a shoot. Chime off in the comments if the figure is a ghost or someone more familiar.  
  
Or a local dinner goer will spot someone with a suspiciously familiar accent in a flannel eating at one of the Worth It restaurants, normally the ones that the owners are currently cooking at. Clear banter between the cryptid flannel-clad figure and Chef Andrew or Adam.  
  
The sightings are frequent enough to end up having there own reddit page. Ryan finds this hysterical, ‘Your like big foot now’ and Shane shuts him up with a kiss.  
  
There’s fan buzz around the fact that Ryan doesn’t wear his engagement ring but has another band with one singular blue diamond. Speculated to be his wedding ring. There are pictures of Shane M. mid-crime, who doesn’t wear any rings but has a chain around his neck that wasn’t seen before.  
  
None of the commentaries ever hits upon the full truth. Thought the decision that some of the fans have come too, that Shane and Ryan were married and in love, for real. Always illicit a smirk from Ryan when he reads them out on Q+A’s.  
  
And the real truth is lost in crimes and meeting each other halfway across the world. For early morning sex or just for casual banter.  
  
Time spent in the French house, or in the Ilnyckyj mansion. Less pressure, not a relationship, just casual. Does it matter if sometimes Ryan acts as the bad guy and sometimes betrays him, trick kisses and false promises.  
  
And when that happens, or in hairy moments when a heist isn’t quite going as he hoped. He feels the weight of three rings on a chain resting against his heart and knows that everything will work out. He’s Shane M. master thief, greatest criminal the world’s seen after all. Little thing like love could never get in the way of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you really thought i would kill shane and ryan off? me? ???
> 
> don't jump off planes, or fake your death, or do crimes. fall in love though, get your heart broken once or twice. 
> 
> thank everyone for comments, kudos, feedback. it's been a little journey. even if the comments for the past week have been 'how dare you' basically. 
> 
> there is one more little one off fic for this universe and then i will be done.  
> (im always open for ideas/plot bunnies though)
> 
> <3

**Author's Note:**

> i have the story outlined for this one but im gonna be writing it as i go which is a first for me. i will change the tags as i go along.  
> i have yet to write the ghoul boys but have written in the unsolved universe before but i do love comments and kudos :)))
> 
> follow me on
> 
> [tumblr](http://kelseywinslow.tumblr.com/)  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/kelseywinslows)
> 
>  
> 
> title is a lupin iii quote


End file.
